On EVAN: What ‘Death of Me’ Reveals About This Artist

When you're a month shy of 25 and have nearly six years of artistry under your belt, what does "enough" look like? It’s a question he seems to be asking himself, and it may explain more than just his music.

The past six months have been an eventful period for singer-songwriter Evan (stylized as EVAN). Formerly known as ENHYPEN × About group ENHYPEN ENHYPEN is a six member boy group formed through I-LAND, known for powerful performances, storytelling concepts, and global popularity. Tap again to view profile → Close 's Heeseung, Evan went solo earlier this year in March, putting out a digital single (Ride or Die) in June and his debut album (Death of Me) in early September. The specifics of his exit being shrouded in mystery and his unexpected rebrand after going solo have understandably attracted media attention.

Evan has said a lot of things recently about his first mini-album and the type of artist he wants to be, and it’s clear that the 8-track album is a bold introduction. In an interview with Billboard, he described Death of Me as a mirror—and after reading and watching his various interviews, I found out exactly why.

‘Not Enough’

지독히 unstoppable / Well, am I the problem?

(relentlessly unstoppable / Well, am I the problem?)

Despite not being the title track, Evan told Billboard that ‘Not Enough’ is really the main theme of the album. The more I heard him speak, the more I understood why. For Evan, despite people saying he’s accomplished so much, it still isn’t enough for him. Even if it may seem greedy to others, he has musical goals he wants to achieve, and he wants to keep going and going until he reaches them.

“[N]o matter how hard it is on my body, it beats a hurting heart a hundred times over.” – EVAN with STAN:A

Even then, he recognizes that continuous progression isn’t easy and that it’s not something someone can accomplish on their own. He told Weverse Magazine, “I try to listen to people I know as much as I can, and above all, I try to stay consistent. That’s what matters most.”

‘Noise'

Oh, whatever I'm doin', I'm doin' it right / …

I don't care 'bout the noise around / I tune it just fine

Like the lyrics of this track suggest, Evan works with the noise around him rather than fighting it. Musically, he takes the literal noise and channels it into songs, and in life, he takes people’s negative comments in stride with an attitude of “So what?”, focusing on what he’s doing and who he knows he is. He wanted to give anyone who listens to his music a similar mindset of assurance, saying:

“I wanted to use the start of my music under the name EVAN to tell people that good days do eventually come around.” — EVAN for Weverse Magazine

Evan encourages himself with phrases like “believe in me”, “no problem”, and “don’t give up.” By including these ideas in the lyrics of ‘Noise’, he thinks they’ll resonate with others too.

‘Ride or Die’

You are my ride or die

In an interview with Billboard, Evan revealed that he wasn’t interested in rock songs until he encountered Avril Lavigne’s ‘Complicated’ on YouTube while developing Death of Me. Inspired, he thought “Oh, why don’t I make a rock song?”, which led to ‘Ride or Die’. Several of the genre choices Evan made with his debut album surprised fans, but his trying new things is a true testament to his willingness to push his own limits to become a better artist.

While the phrase “you are my ride or die” can be interpreted for all kinds of relationships, to Evan, this song is about EVER (the name for his fans). When speaking about the transition period of leaving ENHYPEN × About group ENHYPEN ENHYPEN is a six member boy group formed through I-LAND, known for powerful performances, storytelling concepts, and global popularity. Tap again to view profile → Close and preparing his album, Evan has said his fans have been a source of strength and thinking about them has allowed him to move forward as he seeks to present an authentic version of himself to them. Addressing fans at the Grammy Museum in early September, he said, “Evers are really passionate… you’re my inspiration, so that’s why I keep making music.”

IMAGE VIA BELIFT LAB

‘Death of Me’

Can't stop / 멈춘대도 this ain't the death of me

(Can't stop / Even if it stops, this ain't the death of me)

‘Death of Me’ isn’t completely figurative for Evan. Sitting down with Weverse Magazine, he revealed that in fourth grade, he was diagnosed with malignant lymphoma, a blood cancer in the lymphatic system. Going through treatment and seeing friends pass away, it was a time when he had the thought “I want to live so badly, I want to go home.”

Having been able to move on from that period of his life, this experience would lead to the production of ‘Death of Me’ years down the line. It's hard not to notice the echo when Evan talks about ‘Not Enough’, though he himself doesn't draw a direct line from that time to his drive to keep achieving.

Seemingly because his artistry carries such a personal weight, Evan treats his words with the same care and precision as his production. I noticed that with all the interviews, Evan seriously thinks about what he wants to say, and when he really wants to get an idea across, he speaks in Korean to communicate nuance. With Billboard, he conducted the majority of the interview in English, but used his native language to make a clarification about ‘Death of Me’.

The song isn't about a new version of himself rising from ashes like some may think, Evan explained. He continued:

“I’m someone who tends to constantly push myself, and in that process of growing, I felt like I was pushing myself even harder. So I think this song carries the strong determination that ‘my death has not yet come.’”

Thinking out loud with STAN:A, Evan said he considered death a lot while writing ‘Death of Me.’ How the anime “One Piece” considers death seems to have stuck with him: people don’t die by bullet, poison, or an incurable disease—they die when people forget them.

With his music, it’s clear Evan is working to become an artist that won’t be easily forgotten.

Evan’s caption of the image reads, “우리 진짜 빛난다!!” or “We really shine!!”

IMAGE VIA BELIFT LAB

‘Twilight’

Can't let you walk away

Evan explained to STAN:A that “‘Twilight’ is about the sweetness between two people in love.” However, just like ‘Ride or Die’, for Evan, the song is for his fans. They're someone he can't let walk away.

‘Immature’

I don't mind 철없는 나 / 그마저도 짜릿해

(I don't mind the immature me / Even that is thrilling)

In his debut documentary, when asked which song carried more of what he wanted to show as an artist and producer, Evan answered with ‘Immature’. It’s a track that opens with this statement: he’s a lump of deficiency, but ultimately he chooses to say “I don’t care.” ‘Immature’ didn’t end up being chosen as the title track, but I think this initial choice reveals a lot about Evan and his willingness to own his weaknesses, as both a public figure and a person.

“Once I actually admitted to myself that some parts weren’t enough, that thought started to feel [like] second nature to me. […] It’s sort of exhilarating to just accept yourself for who you are. You feel a lot better once you say, ‘Yeah, I’ve got a lot to work on.’” — EVAN with Weverse Magazine

Like Evan told Rolling Stone, while he’s the type of person that questions his own skills, the thought of “that’s who you are” inspires him to keep pushing forward. He’s a human being and everyone has their own inefficiencies, so he owns being immature in an interview with Billboard. With a shrug, he says, “So what?”

EVAN self-captioned the image: 긴장해 보이네 ㅋㅋㅋ (I look nervous lol)

IMAGE VIA BELIFT LAB

‘Overflow’

Every time I'm close, but I fall back in like / Here we go again

‘Overflow’ came as a natural spill of emotion. Evan explained the song to STAN:A:

“Back then [when developing the album], I was going through a bit of a rough patch. There was a lot of pressure, and [I was] going through a lot of judging eyes. I couldn’t easily show that weight[.]”

Written when he was emotionally exhausted and going through hard times, Evan still managed to add a hook that is meant to deliver the hope found in persevering—here we go again.

Even though he’s put so much heart into the songs he helped write, Evan made it clear in what he told Teen Vogue—he’s an artist that wants fans to judge his artistry based on the music, not their view of him. Either way, someone not liking his music isn’t the death of him.

‘Going Home’

Almost going…

With Billboard, Evan switched from English to Korean to tell the story from his early trainee days. He was getting busy and couldn’t easily see his family despite being so near geographically. “I just wanted to go home,” he said, “so I cried for a long time.”

After achieving so much and then going solo, some might have taken the opportunity to disappear for longer than Evan was out of the public eye. However, going home isn’t simple for Evan. Like he explained, he’ll go home eventually, but not before he’s achieved something great. He described the essence of ‘Going Home’ with STAN:A, saying:

“[The song’s] biggest keyword is really ‘I’ll make it and come home.’”

IMAGE VIA BELIFT LAB

A Clear Vision for Who He Wants to Become

Through all of his recent interviews, it’s clear that since going solo, Evan has thought a lot about the artist he wants to become—one that can provide hope and love, who works to give his best and seeks to never stop improving.

Evan’s goals are baked into his name as an artist, impacting his choice of what to go by as a soloist. He told Rolling Stone:

“I decided to use the name Evan because I wanted to present this music while carrying that sense of authenticity and purity[.]”

“Evan” was a personal name he’s now sharing with the world beyond just his fans, and with Death of Me, he invites everyone to learn just who Lee Heeseung—Evan Lee—is.

Reflecting on what he’s learned about himself while developing the album, Evan told STAN:A that he’s “closer to wild grass than to steel.” Childhood cancer, spending his teenage years as a trainee, and the isolation and pressure of the survival-show I-LAND didn’t turn Evan to steel—and he isn’t afraid to admit it. If anything, he finds a sense of strength in being like wild grass.

“If wild grass grows well, it grows really vivid and sturdy, but either way, even trampled and crushed, it keeps surviving... Even through all kinds of situations, in the end, I felt ‘I’m someone who has the ability to rise above this’.”

However, this mentality doesn’t necessarily mean fulfillment when a challenge is overcome. After recognizing that he’s explained each song well and with sincerity, Evan still thinks aloud, “I’m not sure if it was enough.”

With how thorough and honest Evan has been about the things he can talk about publicly, I wonder what it’ll look like when he’s satisfied. In the meantime, I—along with EVER, I’m sure—will be patiently waiting to see what else EVAN produces in his pursuit of “enough.”

Death of Me by EVAN is out now and available on all major streaming platforms.

Lyrics are via Genius and Korean-to-English lyric translations are via Naver Dictionary and Papago.